Adjusting to a new normal

We're sitting in the familiar waiting room right now. There's a panoramic view of the Roanoke Valley. You can see everything from the Blue Ridge Mountains to downtown Roanoke and it's incredibly peaceful. The mountains bring comfort to me. 

The above picture is of my daddy, my grandma, and my nephew Christopher from about 2009. I love my Daddy's smile in this pic. This pic of my Dad is currently my profile picture on facebook. Right now he's in critical condition at a hospital in Roanoke, Va. He had a severe heart attack on Wednesday 6/27/12 and it's been a rocky ride since. 

My daddy has congestive heart failure and he had another heart attack when I was in high school. Heart disease runs in our family and he's the primary reason I try very hard to eat a healthy diet that works for my personal body type. I try to be a good example to him and I try hard to encourage him to take good care of himself. But sometimes, especially when the hereditary cards are against you, even with the very best efforts, medical emergencies happen. 

On Wednesday the hosital team worked head to clear the blockage from his heart and encourage it to pump and work properly. However, his heart was so weakened by that attack that they didn't realize how critical his condition was. Slowly his organs began to fail and emergency surgeries took place to attempt to stabilize his heart and his organs. Thursday was an extremely critical day and the doctors and nurses honestly didn't believe he was going to make it through the night, despite the emergency measures taken to save him. 

But miracles do happen. They may not "appear" to be as miraculous as you'd see in a movie or on tv... but thank GOD for small miracles.  My Daddy made it through Thursday night. He's had 2 (I think) surgeries now and he's currently attached to some type of mechanical heart device that works as the lower two ventricles for his heart. He's also attached to a breathing machine, so he is intubated, a dialysis machine, and of course has numberous other IV's over his arms, legs, and hands. His life right now is very much a miracle of modern emergency medical devices and a whole lotta faith. 

The small miracles of today are the fact that his skin color is so much better than it was earlier in the week. I barely recognized him when I saw him on Thursday evening, but today his face looked like the Daddy that's always been there for me. He also had just a slight amount of urine in his catheter bag today, which means his kidneys are beginning to function, even if ever so slightly. The nurses also detected the very slight sounds of movement in his bowels, so they decided to try feeding him with a nasogastric tube instead of intravenously. My aunt told me it would be very good progress if they could feed him through his stomach instead of through his veins, so this latest development is great news and I'm praying his body will accept nourishment this way. 

It's been an emotional roller coaster. The incredible downs of awaiting possible imminent death in the early, early hours of Thursday morning. The frustration of not knowing.... the quiet solitude of simply waiting with the unknown. The careful joy of realizing he made it through Thursday night, but was being wheeled into surgery on Friday morning. The guarded hope of doctors and nurses who give us scientific and factual updates, but contain any thoughts on the future of his condition.  Life has thrown me a lot of unknowns in the past month and I'm learning to accept this as the current norm. And that uncertainly is okay. 

Living in the moment, from hour to hour, from day to day is the new normal. And honestly, it's a good thing. We can so often focus on the future. On when life will be better when "this happens" or "that happens", or when we make more money, or when we have more vacation time saved up... I'm incredibly guilty of this having this frame of mind... but right now, I'm thankful for the day. I'm thankful for seeing the rosy complexion in my Dad's cheeks. I'm thankful for seeing him move his legs or arms when we speak to him for only a few moments every day. 

Of course it's easy to rest and feel a bit more comfortable when things aren't changing. It's the calm eye in the midst of the storm... and right at this moment, I'm extremely thankful for it. 

"He needs a sticker that says "Just Add Water"

My boy's gonna be okay!!! PHEW.... 

We had a great visit with our veterinarian today and she said the poor little guy was bone dry from the medication he was given at the Emergency Vets (which we continued through the week). Which is okay. It was an urgent situation and they weren't exactly sure of what was wrong with him, so the ER Vets did the best they could. I'm incredibly grateful. 

Our vet said that Mitten was extremely, extremely dehydrated, so we stopped the current medication (which was causing him to be so dehydrated -- the Vet said he needed a sticker that says, "Just Add Water" lol). He was given IV fluids and we were encouraged to keep giving him electrolyte replacements for a few days (Pedialyte) until he was more encouraged to eat.

The vet currently thinks that the main issue may be feline diabetes, which should be generally easy to manage with the right diet regimen and possibly medication. We'll visit the vet again early next week and see how his progress is and what we need to do from there.

Just want to shout out a HUGE thank you to all of the wonderfully kind and thoughtful comments and emails I've received over the past few days in regards to my Mitten. In our house our pets are our family and I feel extremely blessed to have so many readers and friends who have a similar love for their furry friends. I am SO appreciative of your heartfelt thoughts and prayers! They worked! Thank you!!

Learning how to live with the unknown...

This is Mitten. I adopted him when I moved into my first apartment, over 10 years ago. He was about 3 weeks old. He's an albino white cat who is deaf. The first night I had him, I placed him in the bathroom to spend the night. He cried and cried and cried and being afraid of waking up my roommate I brought him to my room. I placed him on the pillow next to me and he sighed and went to sleep. And that's where he's slept the past ten years.

He's had to adjust to sleeping more in the middle between my husband and me... but he's never really been willing to give up his spot. Until now.

Last Sunday I went into the kitchen to prepare lunch and I saw Mitten sitting strangely against the kitchen doorway. His paws were propping his chest and head and he was rasping for breath. His nose and his ears were blue. I yelled for Michael, who came running into the kitchen. Michael has severe asthma, he has since he was a child and as soon as he saw Mitten's nose was blue, he said, "Get him in the car, we're going to the Emergency Vet. He can't breathe."

This would be my 2nd trip to the Emergency Vet this year. You may remember the story of Buddy from a few months ago. I still think of sweet Buddy on a daily basis. Because the outcome of Buddy's trip to the Vet didn't end on a positive note, I was very apprehensive about taking Mitten. But the poor guy couldn't breathe. 

We took him there, he was still having severe trouble breathing, you could hear crackles and rattles coming from his chest. After tests the vet told us that Mitten had heart damage and fluid in his lungs. He had congestive heart failure. They believed they could start him on diuretic medications and he would be able to breathe better, but he would have to be on medications for the rest of his life and they had no idea how long or short it would be. 

The rug had just been pulled out from under my feet. My Mitten? My sweet loving, cat who was the most affectionate animal I've ever had my entire life, the one who slept with me every night, the one who "hugged" with his little paws, and purred every time I came near. I honestly couldn't believe this was happening. 

They had to keep him overnight to get his breathing under control and to get all the fluid out of his lungs. I picked him up early the next morning and I knew the instant I saw him things were not the same. He just seemed like a very different cat.

We took him to my in-laws to watch for the day, just to keep an eye on him and make sure he could breathe okay. That evening I picked him up and took him home. This once loving, super affectionate, super social cat (at least around us -- not around visitors) is now extremely lethargic, seems very sad, has no interested in attention, affection, food or water.

He's spent most of the past 4 days sleeping in the bathtub. He will sometimes walk down the hallway and then soon return back to the bathroom. He doesn't purr very much. And the poor little guy just isn't very interested in food of any kind or water.

Thankfully Michael is taking him back to the vet tomorrow morning for his followup appointment to see what we should expect from this point forward.

It's been an extremely emotional and hard time for me. This little guy has been a true friend to me and a steady companion as I began my first job, got my first apartment, got married, moved 3 times. He's been there through thick and thin. And he's always been my affectionate, loving, friend. When I needed a hug, when I just needed some encouragement, when I've had down days, he's the furry friend I turned too. It's been so hard to see a very different side of my Mitten.

A cat who no longer wants affection. Who wants to be left alone. Who doesn't feel like purring, or eating, or hugging my arm. I don't know what the future holds for him. I don't know if he has weeks, months, or years left. Learning to live with that uncertainly has been a huge challenge.

My wise friend Pamela gently reminded me last night that I have to accept Mitten where he's at and to allow him to heal, rest, and change at his own pace. I also need to think positive and pray for the very best.

So that's where my heart has been over the past week. My goal for the next few weeks is to live in the right now, accepting today, and not worrying about what will come.

Favorite Recipes from My Dad

That's my Dad and my Step-Mom. Today's a very special day. It's my Dad's birthday. I love you Dad!

You may not be aware, but my Dad is a huge inspiration behind most of my creativity in cooking. He's the foodie in our family. He's the one who first made chocolate chip cookies, omelets on Sundays, beef stews in the winter, and rare steaks with Caesar salad all summer long.

When I was little he made most of our breakfasts: usually grits, bagels, or oatmeal. On the weekends it was his famous omelets, fried liver mush (that's some good eating!), country ham cooked in cola, or fried eggs & bacon. One of my favorite cookbooks is his old copy of "The Joy of Cooking" by Irma Rombauer. That's the cookbook that taught me dozens of different ways to make cookies and cakes.

I remember old copies of Gourmet magazine always lying around the living room. I think that's where I get my love of actually reading cookbooks. While I may not try many of the recipes in a cookbook -- I think simply by reading how others make food will broaden your palate. It will give you ideas of new spices to try. Which foods work best together and will help you learn new cooking and baking techniques.

My Dad's also a writer. And while he doesn't always realize it, he's a very, very GOOD writer. He's spent nearly his entire adult career as a journalist and columnist and I know one day I'll see his name on a book. And trust me, no matter the subject... you'll want to read it. You'll be better for it. 

Today for his birthday I thought I'd share five recipes from the blog that have been most inspired by my Dad. Many are actually recipes that he used to make quite often that I converted to be gluten-free. You have to cook what you know best. Don't let being gluten-free stop that for you. Because family recipes are important. They carry on traditions, bring back beautiful memories, and make you feel like you're feeding people well. Food with a story is the very best kind of food. 

Well of course, The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies!!! 
They have to come from somewhere right? While this recipe isn't actually based on my Dad's recipe, it's special to me because my Dad made a LOT of chocolate chip cookies growing up. You knew it would be a good day if Dad decided to make cookies! And this recipes happens to be one of HIS favorites on my blog... which is a very cool thing!

Pancakes. 
My Dad made a lot of pancakes on Saturday mornings too. We loved his pancakes. Again... a recipe with a story! Read how my Dad learned to make them.

Caesar Salad. 
The ultimate "family" recipe in our clan! This one isn't just made in my immediate family it's shared by my aunt & uncle and their children... every kid in our family loves homemade Caesar salad from a very early age. It's good stuff and there's a good reason why!

Grits Bowls. 
Because I can't tell you how many school day's began with grits at our house. My dad loved to make us grits!

GLUTEN-FREE PIZZA!! 
Okay, so my Dad didn't make gluten-free pizza when I was growing up... but HE LOVED making us pizza with Chef Boy-R-Dee's Cheese Pizza Kits. By the time he was finished with them, they were full-blown supreme pizzas with green peppers, onions, pepperoni, ground beef, mushrooms, and tons of cheese. It's honestly why I love pizza so much. My Dad loved making those pizzas and the best part was we got to make them with him. He let us add the toppings, shred the cheese, watch the oven, taste the first bite. My Dad knows a thing or two about pizza and while this is a homemade recipe, it's JUST as easy as the Chef Boy-R-Dee version!! Want to buy a gluten free pizza kit that's way healthier than Chef Boy-R Dee? Check out Gallo Lea Organics GF Pizza Kits of Asheville, NC ! 

And Dad, when I see you later this month, I'm making you this... my favorite chocolate cake (or maybe a vanilla version since Chris doesn't like chocolate!) I also hope you know how great a Dad you are! Never forget that! I'm blessed outa my socks to have you for a Dad and I love for you for way more than all the amazing food you made for us growing up!

Happy Birthday Dad!! 

Rosemary Garlic Pan Steak with Wilted Spinach Recipe

We eat a lot of meals that look kind of like the above photo here. Lean, healthy proteins served over lightly sauteed spinach. Spinach is the new pasta. Did you know? It's so easy to cook, and you don't even have to cook it if you don't want too. I will serve just about anything over spinach. Except cupcakes. Cupcakes don't really jive with spinach. 

This was a meal from Monday night. It took about 25 minutes to make from start to finish, complete with the caramelized onion & mushroom sauce. I will say, if my kitchen is clean (as it was on Monday night -- and as it's continued to be this week -- last week was a whole 'nother ball game) I'm much more inclined to cook. If it's a mess... I'll find excuses not too. 

This meal is made in two steps (well three if you count the minute it takes to saute the spinach). You first caramelize the onions and cook the mushrooms to create the sauce to serve over the spinach and steak. The majority of the cooking time is spent caramelizing the onions, that will take about 15 minutes. Once you've finished the sauce, you set it aside and keep it warm in a small bowl, and then make the steak in the same pan. 

I served this steak with homemade applesauce on the side. Not really a popular side dish for steak... but we liked it! Again it was a really quick side dish to make. Have you ever made homemade apple sauce? You simply cook (peeled & seeded) apples for about 10 minutes with a little water. That's it. You can add cinnamon, maybe a little sugar if your apples are tart... but that's all you have to do. 

Rosemary Garlic Pan Steak with Wilted Spinach and Caramelized Onions

naturally gluten free, dairy free, paleo friendly, and soy free

created by Carrie Forbes, of Gingerlemongirl.com

printer-friendly recipe

For the caramelized onions & mushrooms:
2 tbsp. olive oil
1 medium sweet onion, diced
1 small (6 oz. - 8 oz.) package button mushrooms, cleaned & sliced
1/2 cup gluten free beef broth

For the rosemary garlic steaks:
2 (4 oz. - 8 oz.) ribeye steaks
1/2 teaspoon dried, crushed rosemary
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder, or 2 cloves minced garlic
salt & pepper, to taste
3 tbsp. butter or olive oil

For bed of spinach:
1 (9 oz.) bag of fresh baby spinach

Directions:

1. Heat a large, heavy-duty skillet (cast iron is my favorite.) Add olive oil. When oil is hot, add onions and cook over medium-low heat, slowly for about 8-10 minutes until onions are starting to become very soft and browned (caramelized.) Add mushrooms and beef broth. Continue to cook over medium heat for an additional 8-10 minutes until broth has reduced and mushrooms are softened and cooked through. Transfer onions, mushrooms, and sauce to a small bowl and cover with aluminum foil to keep warm. 
2. Place skillet back on stove. Place on medium-high heat and add 1 tbsp. butter to pan. When butter is hot & sizzling add steaks. Add half of rosemary, garlic, salt & pepper to each side of the steaks. Cook steaks for 3-5 minutes on each side, until done to your preferences. Finish steaks by placing 1 tbsp. butter on each and allow to melt. Remove steaks from pan and place on a serving plate. 
3. Add bag of fresh baby spinach to the skillet and cook for 1-3 minutes until spinach is wilted to your preference. Add half of spinach to each plate. 
4. Slice steaks into small strips and place 3-4 ounces of steak (or whole steak depending on how hungry you are!) onto each serving of spinach. Add about 1/3 cup of onions & mushrooms with sauce over the steak and serve immediately. 
5. For our family -- the steaks & caramelized onion sauce makes 4 servings, so we have half a steak each for dinner and save the rest for lunch the next day. TO make 4 servings of spinach, I would wilt 2 bags instead of 1. The spinach is best, when just cooked though, which is why I prefer to only cook as much as needed initially.